Gratitude.

I’ve been a little stabby this week, so I need to cut the shit and realize how little the things that take up space in my brain actually matter.

1. I have a great job which challenges me, even if it sometimes gets frustrating. All jobs get frustrating, and everyone has a bad work day, or even a bad work week. Inevitable part of life. I’m grateful that I get to do what I truly enjoy, even if I still have some things to learn. I’m grateful that knowledge is an ever-renewing facet of life. I’m grateful for humility.

2. I have a family who loves and accepts me for who I am, even if they sometimes make assumptions and drive me nuts. They’re still there for me.

3. I’ll be moving out for the first time soon, beginning a brand new life in a brand new city, without any of the baggage my hometown holds. It will be an exciting, amazing, uncomfortable, terrifying, joyful new phase in my life.

4. I’m healthy, have all of my original limbs, and while I could stand to lose another 15 or 20 lbs, I am very lucky.

5. I’m grateful for medications that stabilize the imbalances in my brain chemistry, and allow me to see things for what they are, rather than everything being a panic-inducing, life-altering event of horrifying misery.

6. I’m grateful for my dog, Jack. I’m grateful for his health, his companionship, his personality, and his ability to immediately lower my blood pressure and calm me down just by being around him.

7. I am grateful for the darkness in my life. For the upheavals, the storms, the uncertainty and hesitation. I am grateful for the light they eventually manifest, after the storms have passed. For the lessons they leave behind.

8. I am grateful for my sister, for the secrets we share and the nonverbal understanding we have with each other. For her inclusive nature, for her sense of humor. For our many similarities.

9. I’m grateful for happy coincidences, small pleasures, unexpected changes that move me in positive directions.

10. I am grateful for solitude, for quiet, for introspection and growth. I’m grateful for the gifts I have, and for the person I’ve become, regardless of what the Negative Nancy who lives in my head has to say about it.